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A Collection of Failed Attempts to Breathe

by Introvert

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    CD in Jewel Case with full color artwork and clear tray insert. The album is printed with a blue and green artwork layout. Includes free album download.

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1.
Your favorite Introvert is back again With a million fucking problems I wish would end.  Yeah, again and again... No hope, No love. Just a line box and soil above. 
2.
I am a never-ending nuisance A plague on my peers: I am a monument to failure, The embodiment of fear Can you hear me? Can you hear me at all? I know I let you down, I forced you to fall.  Self-inflicted: A victim of my own superstition counting tiles on the ceiling just to mitigate the feeling That everything’s going wrong And this is just the beginning All I’ve ever done is let down the ones I love Steal from my friends just to try and have enough I’m a fucking joke And it’s starting to show Still dug myself too deep in what was a shallow hole Can you even remember my name? Do you even remember anything? I remember the light of your eyes I remember when you were mine. I live my life in the ground but I’m never alone, Anxiety’s fingers still stuck in my bones  I’ve made soil my home, Eyes shut, they’ve been sewn No place to go, No place to roam Never home and always alone No place to go No place to call home I built my whole life Around being alone Turns out I was wrong Your ghost lives in my bones The first year I thought thats how it’s supposed to be  The second year I got desperate and begged you to leave The third and the fourth your spirit still wouldn't set me free It's been five fucking years and your ghost still guides me. Five fucking years, and you’re still trapped inside me. Five fucking years, and your ghost still guides me. Sentimentality keeps getting the best of me.  Let me be free.
3.
The time has come for me to finally grow The more I try to though, My feet stay stuck to the road I'm an addict, Binging on habits and routine Hooked on obsessing over who I used to be Addicted to the things I felt addicted to the way i Fell Addicted to always being alone Alone is still all that I know I don't know how to say sorry For the things that I've done For the people I've hurt  To the people I love I don’t know when to admit that I fucked it all up Or when to admit that enough is enough. I am a coward And it’s starting to show I’m a self-centered mess With nowhere to go I’m pathetic, Begging for pity Pleading for a chance to mean something to somebody I waste nights spent awake and the days are the same My life's an endless cycle Of habits and decay  I miss the days we were together and I wasn’t so bitter And you weren’t so distracted  By how I could be better It was you and me, And the words that we'd sing I was your world And You were my everything; The end to my story, My one and my only. Fuck it I don’t mean a thing to you and thats how its always been Nothing is what I am in the end And that’s how it’s gonna be again and again Do you remember, When you used to love me? I do, we used to be happy. Where did it go? Why did it end? Can we move on? Can we begin again?
4.
I just want to be loved again I just want to feel young again. The first thing thats in my head when I wake; Another day alive, one more mistake to make I think back to the days I was happy; The days when I was younger, and i wasn’t just acting I think back to me and you; Us against the world, what couldn’t we do? We had it all, we took a stand We were the young and the restless, the world in our hands We were in love, At least that’s what I thought I hope he’s better than me, Than i could ever be I’ll say I hope that you’re happy through gritted teeth But i don’t. I hope he’s just like me; A broken mess of a man, pathetic and weak I hope you break him pieces like you shattered us I hope you step on his soul and turn his heart to dust I hope you wind up just like me So together, forever, we can be lonely
5.
10.21.13 03:27
How do you live with what you did? It took everything I had not to give in How can you sleep at night? Push came to shove and you gave up without a fight I’m still stuck in the back of this hearse; It took three years but now I see you’re a curse. dead or with you, I don’t know which is worse. We’re just two people who couldn’t make it work. Get fucked For better or worse, we’re just two people who couldn’t make it work. In sickness and health, you left me in this hell. For richer or poorer, I wish I never met her. Do you know how it feels to feel unloved? Do you know what it’s like to never be enough? This is your reminder: I’m right where you left me, Still dying for a chance to fucking be happy But you don't love me You don't love anything Except the things that you need From the ones you deceived  I still don't know Who you really are Behind the lies and everything You used to keep me in the dark No, You don’t know how to love You’re just a selfish bitch who only knows how to fuck  You had me broken, in the palm of your hand A worthless excuse, a shell of a man I swore I’d do my best just to make you proud I swore I’d hold you up when you were crumbling down I swore to God I’d never say your name in a song, So here’s the fucking beat, you can sing along
6.
Slipping, I’m slipping Just fading away Stuck here, waiting on the world to change. Slipping, I’m slipping Fading away A worthless coward, the definition of decay. Sad sack of shit, back at it again Desperate for the end, Sick of living in my own skin God damnit, Back at the start again That’s what I get for letting my demons in. Alone all alone no one to understand Alone all alone Just my pen and this pad. You found the fountain of youth When you ripped the heart from my chest Filled up my lungs with blood Maybe I'll end up dead So I can finally leave everyone I let down behind So I can finally say goodbye and cut my Fucking ties.  I've abstained from substance My whole fucking life But I can't stop thinking about you For one Fucking night This rotten world won't let free from its teeth So move your head to the beat Or kick the chair from your feet, yeah when you said  “the two of us here, together” The only ones here with me are the youth, forever.
7.
Something’s not right Here; and it’s never been The demons I let inside my head three years ago are starting to win This is abjection at its finest The hand i’ve been dealt I must fold I lay my conscience to sleep Down in this six foot hole  Alone and unloved; I’ll never be enough Betrayed by my past And all the things that I’ve done. It’s not enough It’ll never be enough Push comes to shove, I should just give it up. I can’t even remind myself of a time you weren’t by my side Time moves on, people change and you’re no longer mine How do you break away From the ones you love? Why would I still be myself, When no one gives a fuck? No, no one gives a fuck Push comes to shove, It’s Time to give it up. I’m giving up, giving up.  A hopeless romantic, Turning hobbies into habits Thriving on routine Like a motherfucking addict Remember me, remember me When I’m buried six feet deep And everything I became Is what I swore I’d never be. I can’t even imagine Can you tell me what it’s like To feel/like/you/belong I can’t even begin to, I don’t even know how  To move/on/from/you Still self-helpless Still a self-centered mess Still alone in the end. Still alone in the end. 
8.
Hello there, It’s me again The shadow of your conscience The ghost of all you hold dear Hello there, I know it’s been years But I’m finally back To rekindle all your fears Did you miss me? God knows I missed you Did you miss me? Or was it too good to be true? Did you miss me? Did you miss me? I wonder if I still cross your mind Is it once in a while or is it all the time? Lord knows you still live in mine. Lord knows you still live in mine. I tore out my heart just to pull you apart no more you and me, back to the start I tried to move on, lately it seems Every fiber of me has you in between. I don't know how to explain The anxiety I'm feeling I'm ways that don't involve lines like"hanging from the ceiling." I don’t know if I’ll love again I don’t even know where to begin I don't know how to not write about the end Or find ways not to obsess over my dead friends I dunno how to not obsess over dead ends; just like the one I've been left in Neurotic, psychotic, I'm just a Fuckin mess then Just a fucking mess, then— who deserves to die just to learn a fucking lesson Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember all the times You left me behind Left alone in the dirt Just to wonder why I couldn’t be what you wanted Or the man that you needed I’m just a helpless bastard Life left defeated
9.
Falling, falling towards the floor I’ve held my tongue for so long, but I can’t do it anymore. Do you have any idea what the fuck you put me through? Do you have any clue what the fuck I’m gonna do to you? Legs broken, cracked at the knees Jaw busted so I can’t even fucking breathe; Why couldn’t you just let me be? I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to cut you away I’ll spend every hour forgetting your face I’ll spend every second forgetting your name. Theres nothing left of me, Nothing left to say Not that it ever really mattered anyways,  Misery, My life collapsing all around me A sad excuse for a man Someone I’ll never be I’ve spent my entire life  stuck on pretend Wasting hour after hour  wishing it would end Stuck existing as someone that I’m not begging to become one with the rot. I know we’re over—don’t tell me we’re not. I know to you I’m not worth a second thought. Head split, mind bursting at the seams Hanging on to everything that makes me me I don’t know what to believe I don’t know what to believe. No, This time I thought it’d be different. I thought I’d be better I thought I could beat this. But I’m still stuck here, Alone at the bottom. So many problems, I can’t fucking solve them. Lungs flooded with blood. and My head’s a mess; I still think you were the one, I confess. The one who got away The one would wouldn’t stay The one who never fucking loved me in the first place.
10.
Do you remember? Do you remember, The day the sickness came? You could no longer speak my name It was the saddest thing, I swear to God, a fucking shame And as I lay down Alone in this empty bed On the frigid pillow Where you used to rest your tired head Where we once were happy But now I’m only filled with dread I wish to God that the cancer Killed me instead It's too hard to go on living  I know I'd be better dead Do you remember? I’d be better dead. Do you remember? The day you passed away, I’d never let your memory just fade to grey But life is long, and God it’s cruel I never thought I’d have to live it without you It’s part of living  that everyone you love is bound to leave But whether it’s by choice  or if they’re taken that you can’t ever see Not until it’s too late; Not until you’ve sealed your fate Not until the hands are dealt and you’re stuck with the one you have to play I’m so sick and tired of always feeling hated I’m over living life wishing to be sedated I spent years writing you songs, they’ve all gone to waste, and I tried  to live my life for you,  but now that you’ve left  what the fuck can I do? Do you remember when I swore I could save her? “You can’t. You can’t” I tried and I tried, I tried and I tried. 
11.
Just Another day Waking up Wishing I was far away But I’m still stuck here, And nothing’s changing My head’s a wreck,  And my mind’s fucking racing. I can’t believe I built myself up this high; The star of the show, the gleam in your eye I don’t deserve all this attention I don’t deserve all their affection “We all need you,” That’s all they say I’m gonna let them down, I might as well hang. Cause in the end, We all just rot. No sense in trying to be something that I’m not. I'm sorry I was never there for you For all the sleepless nights I put you through I'm sorry for the emotional abuse For being worthless; a soul without a use.  I'm sorry I could never be what you wanted  For being myself, forcing you into the arms of someone else I hope youre warmer now, with him at your side As I grow colder ‘cause your flame inside me has died Dead but still dreaming Staring at the ceiling wasting countless nights to obliterate this feeling In the end, I guess this is what you wanted We're the best Fucking thing that never happened.  The weight of the world  Has crushed both my shoulders Now I'm bleeding out While you're in love with another Set of young, diamond eyes Shining twice as bright as mine Why couldn't I be the one to Waste all your time?
12.
Descending down this parallel  With everything I recollect Retract my wings, cut off what's left of them  I parade this lie so well Formless sights, a stasis shifts into my eyes Painless now, devoid of life  Carving names into this cage  I've been calling out for days  Try to write yours too  But my composition breaks I guess this means I’m going home all alone again Thats what I get for ever letting you under my skin just me and my sins so we can paint the wall red just me and my conscious saying I’m better off dead Yeah, yeah keep on falling forever The air’s cold like it’s always December Here The goddamn Midwest I fucking miss it like a hole in my chest, ah.  Lemme bleed out, spell your name with my blood Took my heart, dragged it through the mud But that’s fine, it still belongs to you Always did, it’ll always be true  Well you don’t love me You never did You never will And I can’t deal with it I'll keep screaming these words Till my lungs collapse And Air pours out the backs A tension pneumothorax  Nothing left to say No air to breathe Just one last gasp It could’ve been you and me.  This is a collection Of my failed attempts to make you love me My failed attempts to breathe.
13.
It’s been four years since ten-twenty-one-thirteen I should be over this by now, back to being me But I’m still obsessed; Still a nervous wreck Still singing the same songs, getting short of breath So fucking sick of always being nervous; The ones I love left me behind, and I fucking deserve it So keep saying you need me, I know it’s s lie the only thing that I’m good for is wasting your time I had twelve fucking songs to prove I’m not a wreck That I’m not a fucking monster, Obsessed with death But I broke all my bones Carved your name across my chest Put a bullet through my head So i can finally get some rest The harder i look, I see it’s not just you; It’s not just the sleepless nights you put me through It’s every single fucking person I swore I’d never let down It’s the way they laugh and they chant While I’m face down on the ground Swallowing dirt. Born to hurt Born choke on the “nothing” I’m worth.  This is the end of the line for me The chair is free from my feet And i can’t fucking breathe Grasping at the rope can I stop it in time? My whole fucking life flashes before my eyes, I scream for help; no one’s listening Just the same fucking phone, its always ringing Still ringing.  Still ringing. 

about

CHG 144
A Collection of Failed Attempts to Breathe is an amalgam of the weakest moments of your life and the strength that allowed you to make it through them.

Track One: Desolation’s Plough
Track Two: Gelston After Dark
Track Three: Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy
Track Four/Beat: Wounds that Time Can’t Heal
Track Five: 10.21.13
Track Six: The Fountain of Youth (Featuring Dustin Mitchell of Filth and Devin MacGillivray of Yuth Forever)
Track Seven: Reperfusion Injury
Track Eight: The Shadow Of Conscience
Track Nine: Bottomed Out (Featuring Cody Blencowe Of Desolate)
Track Ten: When They Buried You, They Buried My Dreams
Track Eleven: Sad Max: Return to the Bummerdome
Track Twelve: Tension Pneumothorax (Featuring Eli Martinez of Rooks)
Track Thirteen: Bright Eyes and Dark Days

credits

released December 22, 2017

Artwork, Production: Eric Fletcher
Photography: Calli Perry
Special Thanks to Cody Blencowe, Devin MacGillivray, Eli Martinez, Dustin Mitchell and Sam Bottner for their contributions.

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Chugcore

We stayed true to Deathcore we stayed true to you. Chugcore is one of the leading heavy music promoters specializing in Deathcore, Down-Tempo, Hardcore, Beatdown, Groove and Slam. Bringing you bi-monthly compilation albums as well as exclusive releases from top artists in the industry. ... more

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