1. |
bleak_
02:43
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I’m all alone, stuck in the illusion of home in these walls,
Mind in inertia, descending into shit,
I've lost the plot, this is all fucking meaningless,
Suspended in decay and consumed by grief,
I know my enemy- the enemy is me,
Bleak, I've lost all sense of myself,
Bleak, I just fucking want out,
I've lost all sense of myself,
I just want out of this hell,
I’ve lost all sense of myself
Every time I panic, every time I slip,
I get so manic and doubt that I exist,
Pushing against the nothingness that lives in my head,
Bleak living until I'm fucking dead
Gripped by the hand of God, I was created to be at odds with the world- confined to my own personal hell,
I unravel, self-destruct and unmake myself
Bleak, I've lost all sense of myself,
Bleak, I just fucking want out,
I want out [3]
I'm all alone,
Pushed to the edge, devoid of all meaning
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2. |
de:caying
02:11
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I continue this spiral with no self-control,
impulse driven, creating my own internal blackhole,
I am torn apart by my own indecision,
Limbs melting away, my soul escaping it's prison,
Decomposing, becoming one with the earth,
I was born just to fall back into the dirt,
fuck,
Decaying, forsaken, doomed to this grave that i’m digging,
Birthed into death, consumed by dread,
Deprived of all happiness
I just want this misery to end,
This grief will be my home and I built it brick by brick,
I guess this is just how it is,
I guess this is just how it is,
birthed into misery and cursed with discontent,
fallen in love with the nothingness,
Trapped in a cycle of endless death,
Still all too human,
Still all too human
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3. |
melancholia
03:11
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Pulling at these threads I’m unraveling, dismantling all that I am searching for happiness,
I can’t pretend that I’m not disappointed, this fucking voice in my head is telling me it’s pointless,
I scream, I scream that I’m fine with everything I have left, but I’m struggling,
I can’t swallow my pride and talk to my friends, I’m suicide obsessed- worshipping the sickness
This madness has become a part of me,
I need this release, I need the suffering,
this melancholia sleeps in my veins,
Pulling at these threads I’m unraveling, dismantling all that I am searching for happiness,
I can’t pretend that I’m not disappointed, this fucking voice in my head is telling me it’s pointless,
Tearing into my skin, I start to feel it,
A sense of relief comes with the bleeding,
Shades of red, clouds of death,
I draw my face on- happy again,
Post-traumatic stressed to death, I want nothing more than for this to end,
String me up and let me fall down, I’d rather swing than fucking spiral,
Dopamine bury into me,
I need this release, I need the suffering,
This madness has become a part of me,
I need this release, I need the suffering,
this melancholia sleeps in my veins,
Dopamine (dopamine), bury into me,
I need this release, I need the suffering
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4. |
scanner-01
02:59
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I’ve been cracking, caving in on myself,
Inching closer and closer to my last farewell,
I’ve been cracking, caving in on myself,
I’m on a hollow high and I can’t come down
The lights flicker, and I lay exposed,
The digital sun leaves me colder,
Still spiralling, I’m a danger to myself,
It’s been years and i’m still drowned in the sound of static,
The sound of the scanner,
So I bite my nails until my fingers bleed,
Because i’m face to face with the worst part of me,
Drowning in cliches, and embedded in sleep,
I peel of this mask and let the wound weep
I’ve been cracking, caving in on myself,
Inching closer and closer to my last farewell,
I’ve been cracking, caving in on myself,
I’m on a hollow high and I can’t come down
And so I whisper to myself;
This is only the beginning, just close your eyes,
You can’t block out the visions but they’ll go away in time,
Grit your teeth and grind them to dust, the clock is stopped,
Look around, we’re all lost,
Look around, we’re all fucked,
Just look around we’re all fucked
Pushing and pulling,
I push and pull, I tear myself apart,
Buckling against the motion, the scanner sees into my heart
I’ve been cracking, caving in on myself,
Inching closer and closer to my last farewell,
I’ve been cracking, caving in on myself,
I’m on a hollow high and I can’t come down,
And I can’t come down,
And I can’t calm down
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5. |
un_known.exe
03:00
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Take me under, pull me down,
Into the void, the grey paranoia
My dreams have become more vivid than my life,
Everything is fading and blurring the damn lines between what I know and what I believe,
I’ve come to see that I don’t know anything
Unknown, the world around me has become so strange,
Slipping through the cracks, absurd and deranged,,
Life is nothing more than nauseous motion,
And I’m getting sicker with each passing moment
Anxious itch, I can’t stop it
Take me under, pull me down,
Into the void, the grey paranoia
Gestalt, take me under, pull me down,
Gestalt, take me under, pull me down
I look into the sky and I see nothing,
Just the endless void that I’m a part of,
I crane my head and snap my neck,
Hoping to God that I won’t ever come back
My dreams have become more vivid than my life,
Everything is fading and blurring the damn lines between what I know and what I believe,
I’ve come to see that I don’t know anything
Unknown, the world around me has become so strange,
Slipping through the cracks, absurd and deranged,,
Life is nothing more than nauseous motion,
And I’m getting sicker with each passing moment
Gestalt, bring me back from the edge of madness,
I am stuck, falling deeper and deeper and I can’t fucking stop it,
Digging down and embedding in my skin the toxin of existence,
I am stuck,falling deeper and I can’t stop it,
I can’t stop it,
And I can’t fucking stop it
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6. |
[ex]pulse
01:26
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Bitter taste but I’ll take my dose,
Such a waste because I’m still miserable,
I’ll melt away as the sun creeps across this room- with thoughts like these I don’t know who to turn to
Bitter taste. Bitter taste but I’ll take my dose [x2],
I don’t know who to turn to
Bitter taste but I’ll take my dose,
Such a waste because I’m still miserable,
I’ll melt away as the sun creeps across this room- with thoughts like these I don’t know who to turn to
I only feel things in extremes, it’s either everything or absolutely nothing,
Does life get better from here or am I doomed to choke? Expulse
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7. |
how_it_ends
02:47
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My mind is running and it won’t stop,
I’m getting lost in the fucking chaos,
I haven’t slept for days, the drugs coarse through my veins,
I’m pushing the limit and I don’t know what I can take
I’ve been sinning, digging myself a hole,
I don’t have solutions, just problems
I’m off my meds, and this feels great,
Manic, in delusional ecstacy,
Cutting lines just to ward off the dopesickness,
Psychotic chatter and I fucking listen in
I wander into the street and lay faced down on the ground,
I breathe in dirt as I wait patiently, sound,
My nerves are fried and I’m ready to start again,
I’m so ready to finally get out of my head
Just look at me at me now.,
Just fucking look at me now
My mind is running and it won’t stop,
I’m getting lost in the fucking chaos,
I haven’t slept for days, the drugs coarse through my veins,
I’m pushing the limits and I don’t know what I can take
I don’t know how much I can take,
I don’t know, I don’t know,
Son of a bitch
I intrude on myself, vicious and loving the hurt,
One more shot, I swear I’ll make it work,
The end of the tunnel is coming, but it’s just headlights and then black nothing,
I guess this is how it ends,
My mind, it bent then snapped, I saw it coming,
I saw it coming,
I saw it coming
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